What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
&
the other ensures U Continue to do so.
* * * * *
It is said that Husband is the head of the family,
But
Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants. :)
When a married man says- "I'll think about it",
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.. :-P
Lolz
* * * * *
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
* * * * *
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
* * * * *
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.
* * * * *
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
* * * * *
wife:honey,what are you looking for?
husband: nothing
wife:why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ?
husband: i was just looking for the expiry date
* * * * *
Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever
* * * * *
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
* * * * *
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
* * * * *
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
* * * * *
Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
"Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?
Argument Ended
* * * * *
A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking
Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club:
Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football With Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything , He's On The Darts Team
In My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again ?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy ,
You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."
Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday
* * * * *
A Husband said to his wife One day
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"
The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;
God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"
* * * * *
If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.
But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.
Think different.
Add wife, have life :p
* * * * *
An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"
Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !
* * * * *
A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead... =P =D
* * * * *
In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..
* * * * *
Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"
* * * * *
Chess says everything
about husband and wife.
The King has to take things one step at a time,
while the Queen can do whatever she wants.
* * * * *
Husband : I found Aladin's lamp today. :P
.
Wife : wow, what did u ask for darling ?? :D
.
.
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
.
Wife : oh..darling..luv u so much.. :-*
.
Did he do that ??
.
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero. :P :P
Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife
Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife
CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife
Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife
* * * * *
Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples
Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)
Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)
* * * * *
Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"YoUr wife called, she wants her poster back home
* * * * *
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..!!!
Man inside: I'm talking to my wife
* * * * *
A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OF THEM..:-P
* * * * *
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
* * * * *
Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
Shetext back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
* * * * *
A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Audience was in shock and silence..
He added: "she was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter!
A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker
by the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: don't copy if u can't paste!
* * * * *
In newyork, a man was watching a movie at home
and suddenly shouts nooooooooooooo!! :'(
Don't go inside the church its a trap!!
Wife: what are u watching?
Man: our wedding DVD :p
* * * * *
Asian man will have a wife and a girlfriend
and will love his wife more.
A black man will have 2 wives and 5 girlfriends
and will love his 1st wife more.
A white man will have 1 wife and 3 girlfriends
and will love his girlfriends more.
An Turkish man will have 1 wife and 4 girlfriends
and he still loves his mummy more.
* * * * *
If men behave after marriage the way they do before it,
half the divorces won't take place..
On the other hand,
If women behave before marriage the way they do after it,
half the marriages won't take place ;)
* * * * *
If you were my husband,
I would poison your coffee
If you were my wife
I would drink it.
* * * * *
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them
* * * * *
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that you were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
* * * * *
An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free
After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...
"Which Trip ?"
* * * * *
Doctor Jokes
Dirty Jokes
Student Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Internet Jokes
Men Women Jokes
Animal Jokes
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
&
the other ensures U Continue to do so.
* * * * *
It is said that Husband is the head of the family,
But
Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants. :)
When a married man says- "I'll think about it",
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.. :-P
Lolz
* * * * *
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
* * * * *
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
* * * * *
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.
* * * * *
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
* * * * *
wife:honey,what are you looking for?
husband: nothing
wife:why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ?
husband: i was just looking for the expiry date
* * * * *
Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever
* * * * *
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
* * * * *
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
* * * * *
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
* * * * *
Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
"Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?
Argument Ended
* * * * *
A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking
Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club:
Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football With Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything , He's On The Darts Team
In My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again ?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy ,
You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."
Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday
* * * * *
A Husband said to his wife One day
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"
The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;
God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"
* * * * *
If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.
But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.
Think different.
Add wife, have life :p
* * * * *
An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"
Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !
* * * * *
A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead... =P =D
* * * * *
In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..
* * * * *
Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"
* * * * *
Chess says everything
about husband and wife.
The King has to take things one step at a time,
while the Queen can do whatever she wants.
* * * * *
Husband : I found Aladin's lamp today. :P
.
Wife : wow, what did u ask for darling ?? :D
.
.
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
.
Wife : oh..darling..luv u so much.. :-*
.
Did he do that ??
.
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero. :P :P
Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife
Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife
CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife
Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife
* * * * *
Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples
Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)
Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)
* * * * *
Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"YoUr wife called, she wants her poster back home
* * * * *
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..!!!
Man inside: I'm talking to my wife
* * * * *
A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OF THEM..:-P
* * * * *
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
* * * * *
Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
Shetext back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
* * * * *
A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Audience was in shock and silence..
He added: "she was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter!
A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker
by the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: don't copy if u can't paste!
* * * * *
In newyork, a man was watching a movie at home
and suddenly shouts nooooooooooooo!! :'(
Don't go inside the church its a trap!!
Wife: what are u watching?
Man: our wedding DVD :p
* * * * *
Asian man will have a wife and a girlfriend
and will love his wife more.
A black man will have 2 wives and 5 girlfriends
and will love his 1st wife more.
A white man will have 1 wife and 3 girlfriends
and will love his girlfriends more.
An Turkish man will have 1 wife and 4 girlfriends
and he still loves his mummy more.
* * * * *
If men behave after marriage the way they do before it,
half the divorces won't take place..
On the other hand,
If women behave before marriage the way they do after it,
half the marriages won't take place ;)
* * * * *
If you were my husband,
I would poison your coffee
If you were my wife
I would drink it.
* * * * *
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them
* * * * *
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that you were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
* * * * *
An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free
After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...
"Which Trip ?"
* * * * *
Doctor Jokes
Dirty Jokes
Student Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Internet Jokes
Men Women Jokes
Animal Jokes
For Best Christmas and New Year Messages, you may check http://sweetymessages.blogspot.com don't forget to remind your friends...
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